i have limited experiance with admissions essays...feedback please...?

Asked by nyke
I grew up with a father who constanly was trying to instill a sense of determination and commitment within me. Unfortunately it took 19 years before I would realize what a valuable lesson he was trying to get across. I went through high school without a care in the world never considering my future or what I would do after I had graduated, but when the day finally came and I turned that tassel on top of my cap to the left, I felt dissatisfied with myself and my achievements. My grades were by no means stellar and I was not accepted into any of the schools I had applied to. Refusing to lower myself into what I felt was a downgrade; I chose not to attend community college and instead worked for my father in construction. Autumn progressed and I watched as the leaves fell from the trees and drifted to the ground below. I could not help but feel as if I were one of these leaves plummeting downward only to be greeted by the cold hard concrete below me. Autumn began to turn to winter, the days went on and I began feeling more and more vulnerable and at times depressed. I was certain that if I did not make a change, my life would be headed down a dead end path. And so I enrolled in community college. I was happy because I knew I was making the correct decision, but at the same time it was a bit intimidating due to the fact that I had been out of school for quite some time. That spring class begun and with spring came new beginnings. I no longer felt like a dead leaf spiraling towards the earth, instead I felt rejuvenated and ready to begin the rest of my life. I buckled down, got my priorities in order, my head on straight and for the next 4 months worked harder than I had worked in my 4 years of high school. The hard work and determination paid of because for the first time in my life I had made the dean’s list. To some this may seem like a minor accomplishment, but to someone like me, whose back has been against the wall academically, it was a true achievement. With this experience I better appreciate what a person can gain from giving ones all and it is safe to say that I have made my father proud.