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Eng 102 The other half.?


Asked by Moon85
When I get my degree I would like to go into the field of fashion designing and possibly market my product into a clothing store. My sister got help from here and she advised me to try and ask for help here at the Chapter House also. Finally , in getting help from here I will in return help my community in whatever help they need. For example; help other students get scholarships, picking up trash, and in teaching weaving to out younger generation. In conclusion, I have seen other students from Dine College get scholarships from here and I hope I will be one of the chosen ones to be able to receive a scholarship fron my chapter. I hope you will consider my request, and I would like to thank you for your time in reading my letter. Sincerely, Rebecca Allen

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Answered by Terisu
First paragraph, put a comma after "When I get my degree" and another one after "...field of fashion designing", Another comma after "...help from here", then leave out the "also" at the end. It's clumsy. In the second paragraph, you put a space between "Finally" and the comma. No space. Actually, leave out the finally completely. The last paragraph says "In conclusion", so that's really your finally. The first sentence in the second paragraph needs more punctuation. Use commas to break up long sentences for clarification.


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