Can you edit my college essay please? honest opinions?
Give ideas, input anythingg it needs alot of help anything to make it more powerful and to help it stand out to the admissions office. The prompt: Describe the world you come from and how it shaped who you are. “Extremist” one of the many misinterpretations that Muslims in America are associated with today. Whether it’s the clothes you wear, food you eat or the way you act, people behave differently around you. Being a Muslim in this country after September 11th, has caused many stereotypes towards Muslims like us being terrorists just because a group of Muslims mistakes four years ago. Not every Muslim should be compared to the ones that were involved in September 11th, we had nothing to do with it. Americans judge one another constantly with out bothering to get to know the individual. Many Muslim-Americans feel they are constantly living under a dark cloud of suspicion. Every day we are up against a constant stream of images with people thinking Islam encourages violence more than any other religion. Islam is the religion of peace but people never try to understand it, but judge it instead. I have become more open minded, as I express myself with out reservation. I am not afraid to show people who I am, and am not intimidated by the threats and stereotypes. I am proud of being a Muslim, and if people have a negative view of me because of it they must be so superficial that they cannot see the person I really am. I no longer want to be seen as Islamist, Extremist even though I strive to educate those tho want to understand the beauty of my religion
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Answered by comfort eagle
I'm going to be honest because I want to be helpful. This is a bad essay. It's bad 1) because it is poorly written in terms of grammar, style, and syntax, as it weaves distractingly between first, second, and third person; 2) it is not responsive to the prompt, and 3) it reads like a personal diatribe rather than something an admissions office would want to read about an applicant. Scratch this whole thing and start over. No offense intended; I'm assuming you're posting this because you want the truth.
I'm going to be honest because I want to be helpful. This is a bad essay. It's bad 1) because it is poorly written in terms of grammar, style, and syntax, as it weaves distractingly between first, second, and third person; 2) it is not responsive to the prompt, and 3) it reads like a personal diatribe rather than something an admissions office would want to read about an applicant. Scratch this whole thing and start over. No offense intended; I'm assuming you're posting this because you want the truth.









