Is this a good college admission appeal essay ?
Asked by toppergrad2k8Im applying to The New England Institute of Art in Boston, MA for Graphic Design. “I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences”. I’ve learned a lot of lessons throughout high school. When I was a freshmen at my high school, I wasn’t mature enough to realize that I had to get my act together and think of what I really want to do in my life. Rarely did I study or do my homework and I was lazy. But for the past 3 years I pushed myself to achieve my goals and that was to get my grades up and get into a college I wanted to attend I stayed after school for help that I needed; such as math, I started studying for exams and did every piece of homework. I have a passion for making creative art. After years of taken art classes such as Drawing I, Drawing II, Mixed media, and software programs Fireworks 8, Flash 8, and Dream Weaver; I became a lot more motivated to get a further education in art and design. My art and design skills have increased with in the past 3 years and my creativity. I have some professional experience with web design and graphic design. My uncle is a web designer with his own company called Last Resort Systems; I have helped do some web design for his company. I have also have participated in contest’s for new logos for companies. I also have the passion for music; as of right now I play the acoustic guitar and write music and hope to make a band and/or record company. I would like to take music classes for my general electives. Going to Boston is a good choice for me; it’s a big change coming from New Hampshire; with so much to do and numerous job opportunities. I’m really looking forward to meeting a lot of great people and starting a new life in the city. Life is something everyone should try once and I know I’m ready for the next step.
Favorite Answer
Answered by piecrumz
Your essay should be solely written by and about you to provide the admissions advisers with a meaningful reflection of your personality and your abilities. That said, while I could go through and rewrite your essay for you, I won't. Instead, I'll provide you with some constructive criticism, guidelines, and tips in the interest of helping you improve your essay. First, go through your essay for grammar alone. Just skimming through your essay, I noticed more than a few misspellings, run-on sentences, sentence fragments, and misplaced commas / semicolons / apostrophes / etc. Next, review your essay in terms of content. Elaborate on the subjects you only touched upon -- WHY should you "try life"? WHY do you have "a passion for making creative art"? WHY (and do?) you consider yourself a "hero"? It would be very helpful if you were to post the prompt that this essay is in response to -- however, I'm assuming that you're trying to make the point that you're a hero since you've stepped up and accepted responsibility for your actions. If so, try to continue this theme throughout your paper -- mention it in your conclusion and somewhere in the middle of the essay to tie up the loose ends and prevent the choppiness that runs rampant through it as is. Finally, pick up a few different colored highlighters and comb through your paper for repetition and redundancy. In moderation, remember that a thesaurus is your friend. You don't just like something -- you're enthused about it. You don't just have a passion for art -- you thirst to express yourself creatively. You haven't just learned -- you've grown and matured and come to accept and embrace the person you are today. Then, try to use more vibrant imagery. Remove all of the "is"-es and "are"-s from your paper and replace them with active verbiage. And sentence structure? Look at how many times that you use "I" and "my" throughout -- and not just at the beginning of a sentence, either. Don't just make use of the good ol' staple of the simple sentence -- try throwing in some clauses, rearranging your thoughts, and just adding some spice into the mix. Sure, it may be a bit more work than having someone write or rewrite your essay for you, but in the end, the effort will be worth it when you receive that fat acceptance letter in the mail. Not only will you be able to grasp the tangible embodiment of your hard work, but you'll also have an amazing four-year college experience spanning ahead of you! I apologize if this response sounds a bit harsh or critical, but believe me when I say that, as a complete stranger, I do have your best interests at heart. College can be one of the best times of your life -- I'm looking forward to going next year! -- and you need to go ahead and seize life for what it is -- hard work and all. Best of luck in all of your future endeavors!
Your essay should be solely written by and about you to provide the admissions advisers with a meaningful reflection of your personality and your abilities. That said, while I could go through and rewrite your essay for you, I won't. Instead, I'll provide you with some constructive criticism, guidelines, and tips in the interest of helping you improve your essay. First, go through your essay for grammar alone. Just skimming through your essay, I noticed more than a few misspellings, run-on sentences, sentence fragments, and misplaced commas / semicolons / apostrophes / etc. Next, review your essay in terms of content. Elaborate on the subjects you only touched upon -- WHY should you "try life"? WHY do you have "a passion for making creative art"? WHY (and do?) you consider yourself a "hero"? It would be very helpful if you were to post the prompt that this essay is in response to -- however, I'm assuming that you're trying to make the point that you're a hero since you've stepped up and accepted responsibility for your actions. If so, try to continue this theme throughout your paper -- mention it in your conclusion and somewhere in the middle of the essay to tie up the loose ends and prevent the choppiness that runs rampant through it as is. Finally, pick up a few different colored highlighters and comb through your paper for repetition and redundancy. In moderation, remember that a thesaurus is your friend. You don't just like something -- you're enthused about it. You don't just have a passion for art -- you thirst to express yourself creatively. You haven't just learned -- you've grown and matured and come to accept and embrace the person you are today. Then, try to use more vibrant imagery. Remove all of the "is"-es and "are"-s from your paper and replace them with active verbiage. And sentence structure? Look at how many times that you use "I" and "my" throughout -- and not just at the beginning of a sentence, either. Don't just make use of the good ol' staple of the simple sentence -- try throwing in some clauses, rearranging your thoughts, and just adding some spice into the mix. Sure, it may be a bit more work than having someone write or rewrite your essay for you, but in the end, the effort will be worth it when you receive that fat acceptance letter in the mail. Not only will you be able to grasp the tangible embodiment of your hard work, but you'll also have an amazing four-year college experience spanning ahead of you! I apologize if this response sounds a bit harsh or critical, but believe me when I say that, as a complete stranger, I do have your best interests at heart. College can be one of the best times of your life -- I'm looking forward to going next year! -- and you need to go ahead and seize life for what it is -- hard work and all. Best of luck in all of your future endeavors!
