Please evaluate my college admissions essay.?
Asked by surflaguna08Respond to the following: Describe the personal experience that gave you the feeling of greatest achievement or satisfaction because of the challenges you met. I gaze at my report card in amazement, I had finally achieved my goal of receiving an A in an English class. The goal might seem inferior compared to other students who have attained an A in English all throughout high school. To be honest, English has never been my strongest subject. The first nine years of my life were spent in a foreign country, Italy to be exact, receiving an Italian based education. I was very fluent in both English and Italian language but knew very little of English mechanics. My parents decided to move to back to United States so that my sister and I could receive a superior education. I started school in America at the beginning of fourth grade, and I can recall having to struggle with every subject. My teacher at the time wanted to hold me back a year because I was having a great deal of difficulty adjusting to an American school system and because of my young age. My parents considered the option but I refused to stay in the forth grade another year. I wanted to show everyone that I was capable of rising above everyone’s expectations of me, especially my teacher. I studied day and night and I was able to pass every class allowing me move into the fifth grade. At the time, that was the biggest challenge that I had to face. If I had not accomplished my goal of passing the fourth grade my life would be very different today, such as not graduating in 2008 but 2009. Sometimes I will reflect back and think that if I could achieve something that great when I was only nine years old than there is nothing I can not accomplish.
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Answered by comfort eagle
I GAZED at my report card in amazement [DASH] I had finally achieved my goal of receiving an A in an English class. The ACHIEVEMENT might seem inferior compared to other students who have attained an A in English all throughout high school. To be honest, English has never been my strongest subject. The first nine years of my life were spent in a foreign country, Italy to be exact, receiving an Italian based education. I was very fluent in both THE English and Italian languageS but knew very little of English mechanics. My parents decided to move to back to THE United States so that my sister and I could receive a superior education. I started school in America at the beginning of fourth grade, and I can recall having to struggle with every subject. My teacher at the time wanted to hold me back a year because I was having a great deal of difficulty adjusting to THE American school system and because of my young age. My parents considered the option [COMMA] but I refused to stay in the FOURTH grade another year. I wanted to show everyone that I was capable of rising above everyone’s expectations of me, especially my teacher'S. I studied day and night [COMMA] and I was able to pass every class [COMMA] allowing me move ON TO the fifth grade. At the time, that was the biggest challenge that I had to face. If I had not accomplished my goal of passing the fourth grade my life would be very different today, PARTICULARLY BECAUSE MY HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION WOULD HAVE BEEN DELAYED AT LEAST A YEAR. Sometimes I will reflect back and think that if I could achieve something that great when I was only nine years old [COMMA] there is nothing I CANNOT accomplish.
I GAZED at my report card in amazement [DASH] I had finally achieved my goal of receiving an A in an English class. The ACHIEVEMENT might seem inferior compared to other students who have attained an A in English all throughout high school. To be honest, English has never been my strongest subject. The first nine years of my life were spent in a foreign country, Italy to be exact, receiving an Italian based education. I was very fluent in both THE English and Italian languageS but knew very little of English mechanics. My parents decided to move to back to THE United States so that my sister and I could receive a superior education. I started school in America at the beginning of fourth grade, and I can recall having to struggle with every subject. My teacher at the time wanted to hold me back a year because I was having a great deal of difficulty adjusting to THE American school system and because of my young age. My parents considered the option [COMMA] but I refused to stay in the FOURTH grade another year. I wanted to show everyone that I was capable of rising above everyone’s expectations of me, especially my teacher'S. I studied day and night [COMMA] and I was able to pass every class [COMMA] allowing me move ON TO the fifth grade. At the time, that was the biggest challenge that I had to face. If I had not accomplished my goal of passing the fourth grade my life would be very different today, PARTICULARLY BECAUSE MY HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION WOULD HAVE BEEN DELAYED AT LEAST A YEAR. Sometimes I will reflect back and think that if I could achieve something that great when I was only nine years old [COMMA] there is nothing I CANNOT accomplish.
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